Who Are You, Really?

In Alice Through the Looking Glass the caterpillar asks Alice: “Who Are You?!

A little more than a decade ago my good friend, Steve, asked me: “George, what is your essence?” He was my caterpillar!

I had been beating myself up for losing a really good job, the result of a huge misunderstanding with my CEO. I was struggling to find a place in the world, not knowing what my next move would be, thinking of the unpaid bills, wallowing in the shame of the job loss. Steve did not let me duck the question. My essence? What the hell is that? And then he challenged me to know what my purpose on earth was!!!

And in the moments that followed I realized I was not my job, or my suit, or my car, or my address. All those were merely acquired trappings. I had to look deeper — not an easy task for someone who had spent a half century looking to please people, to be the perfectionist that I believed was expected of me.

As if it was supposed to happen, two books came into my life: The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz, and The Power of Intention by Wayne Dyer, salted with the vital touch of the Buddhist Thich Nhat Hanh.

Ruiz, a Toltec Shaman, invited me to give up all the old stories I had created about me; who I needed to be show for parents, friends, siblings, teachers, coaches if I was to be accepted by them. I needed to give up those old agreements and live by only four:

1. Be impeccable in my word: speak my compassionate truth to myself and others.
2. Take nothing personally: a tall order when folks want to “fix” me, make me wrong, or make me be someone I am not. Or worse, reject me!
3. Make no assumptions: stop making stuff up about what is going on, or what someone is thinking, and establish the facts of the matter before choosing an action.
4. Always do my best: which means going beyond “just good enough” and committing to giving everything my full focus and energy .

Not easy agreements to follow. But they are life-changing! They are major steps to being authentic.

Wayne Dyer taught me to consider that everything, ourselves included, is absolutely unique, created for a purpose – an intention. The metaphor that works for me is the acorn; its primary purpose is to become an oak tree. While events might get in the way – squirrels, droughts, lumbermen — they would not be the acorn’s choosing.

Putting all this together, and reviewing where in my life I felt most authentic, when I was doing what felt most natural, I began to create the picture of my “essence”, my destiny. I realized that my work leading a team as their CEO, conducting workshops and facilitating support circles were the playing fields where I felt most on my game – I was a coach, teacher, mentor, “father,” given to helping others find their essence, their intention, their strengths, their destinies. It showed up in business, in relationships, and, now in my practice.

So, friend, what stories, what “agreements”, do you need to let go of so you can live Don Miguel’s core four? What is your “intention”, your essence? Imagine living in that authentic space! What a gift to world! What a gift to you!