What’s Your Fence?

His name is Cooper. He is a young, energetic Golden Retriever who arrived next door with the folks that moved in last summer. It didn’t take Cooper long to find a hole in the fence surrounding the back yard, through which he escaped to taste freedom for a few hours before he was coaxed back home.

It’s been almost a year since that brief unfenced run, and I wonder if he thinks much about that unbounded freedom moment. How often does Cooper dream of running free again, only to bump his nose against the fence and give up hope? It must be particularly painful for him when a rabbit crosses the yard beyond the fence and he remembers the time he got off the leash and actually caught one of those critters. But then there is the fence. . Now that fence is only 42 inches high. Cooper is half that at his shoulder and can easily put his front paws on the top rail. I contend he is more than able to vault that fence and run free again. Yet he doesn’t even try. He stays captive. He’s a good dog that has chosen to accept the permanence of the fence and his limited roaming around the small yard. Cooper can dream about his “unfenced” life and wonder about the excitement out there, but he knows if he gets out his “master” will not be happy and will surely punish him. In his mind, going beyond the fence will bring shame, pain and maybe even abandonment! Staying within the confines of the fence means safety, acceptance and the absence of pain. That is Cooper’s story.

What’s your story? What “fence” have you accepted in your life, perhaps one that’s been “given” to you by someone or one you’ve crafted yourself to protect you from shame, pain and abandonment?

Mine was that I could never be in charge of anything, thanks to my sister who was the alpha energy in our family’s “sandbox.” It took some serious work and a string of leadership experiences before I was able to break down that fence, rewrite that story and allow myself to step fully into leadership roles. There are small fences that crop up for me from time to time that  I find are there to teach me more about the world and how I am in it.

When you think about it, there are all sorts of fences in our lives — some good, some bad. The good ones are there to protect us from a sometimes-harsh world. The others tend to be old fences we built growing up to make sure we would be loved, or at least liked. The challenge is to discern which ones to keep and which fences no longer serve us. Those are the fences that need to be broken down.

So I ask you: What’s your fence? What is that old story you are telling yourself about you that doesn’t serve you anymore and keeps you stuck? Is it time to write a new story, one that opens up a whole new world for you?

I can help you if you’re ready. Check out my offer for  a free half-hour sample session.  Just click on “The Offer” on my home page.